Dawnie is sick.. quite bad i think... heard yday fr her.. that she has been having fever for 3 days!! Erm.. no wonder she got irritated too.. erm its like this..
I've heard fr quite a few frens that I'm attached.. naturally I'm surprised cos I din tell anyone I'm attached.. not that I'm hiding anything.. but no need to n things r not concrete enough (at least fer me) to declare anything. Got to noe they all heard fr Vance.. there goes the ???? huh.. n where in the hell did he this info fr.. + y has he been spreading.. asked Issac when he called the other day.. he who noes a bit..abt teddy n me.. but even he can't b sure how things r. Actually din wanna care much abt it cos hey an ex telling frens abt me being attached is no big deal. till yday when curiousity got the better of me n I msged Dawnie.. cos the day b4 I got it fr Vance himself that he had got the news fr Dawn.. think is she has never confirmed I'm attached.. just that there is this thing going on with a guy called yi... something that she herself can't remember. But I gathered enough to noe Vance has been asking ard abt whether I attached.. I'm sure he asked Ivy too.. hey.. is this the same obsession he had for Joann in the past? wanting to noe wat's going on in his ex's life? haa neway.. Dawnie got irritated by us.. saying "wat's his prob trying to dig info fr everyone? I mean u all broke up n u haf every right to date who you want... n y you so bothered about whether he tells e whole world not if your frenz know you din let him down n it was him right from e start... gosh.. this is ridiculous.." ops..
Haa.. ya din wanna b bothered by it.. n no matter how situations r now.. only the parties who r directly involved know exactly what is going on.. thats y dun bother speculate too much abt others' relationships... no matter which kind they are.. anyway.. knowing that Vance has tried wooing another gal when he had not clear things with me then had distanced me fr him..(be it true or ney)
every ounce of pain experienced had taught me to let it go.

To Vance: you will be another person left in my memories. Someone who has once given me so much love n joy. So much assurance that you will be there for me. the securities..to protect. to bare burdens with.. till the day u decide to give up me.. to let me go. Someone who has caused me so much grief.. the greatest intensity of the meaning of pain.. so much so that I'm quite sure then that I'll not get to experience any pain greater that that.. just wat i felt then though I noe there will be greater agony.. ie. if anything abominable is to happen to mummy..
When you told me that for once... in a relationship.. all u want for me is to be happy.. I've only realised now could that be so, cos subconsciously ur past relationship with Joann has induced that need to make me happy.. to accomplishe wat u haf failed then.? Even if that is true.. I will not b hating u. Cos I'm sure when we r happy then.. u haf put in genuine feelings fer me. Which reminds me of a nice song I've heard just this month.. its an old song though by Karen Mok.
Dedicating it to Vance.. to how i feel esp. since 1st April.

他不愛我


他不愛我 牽手的時候太冷清 擁抱的時候不夠靠近
他不愛我 說話的時候不夠認真 沈默的時候又太用心

*我知道他不愛我 他的眼神 說出他的心
# 我看透了他的心 還有別人逗留的背影
他的回憶清除得不夠乾淨
我看到了他的心 演的全是他和她的電影
他不愛我 儘管如此 他還是贏走了我的心



::Running away from delusions::